Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Hahaha, laughter and more laughter. Most of you should have either heard about this book or heard about the saying before. It's quite an old book, written about 17 years ago, which means I was only 7 years old (Primary 2). Below the heading of the cover of the book reads "A practical guide for improving communication and getting what you want in your relationships". Hopefully I do not get an email with regards to copyright infringement so I'll tactfully paraphrase what the book is trying to say in general and urge all of you, men and women, young and old, to purchase or borrow the book. It really gives one the insight of how one another thinks. Seriously, men and women, are from different planets. (I believe this book helps to make the world a better place).

(DISCLAIMER TO ALL: THIS IS WHAT I FEEL AND THINK ABOUT WHAT THE BOOK HAS TOLD ME. DO NOT TAKE IT LITERALLY AND IT DOES NOT APPLY TO EVERYONE!!!!)

So... Where do I start? Well, just to be fair, I'll flip a coin, the side of the Aussie 50 cent coin is the face of Queen Elizabeth II, so heads for girls.... Flip!!! Heads (trust me on the honesty and authenticity). So girls, ladies and women, or basically Venusians, inhabitants of Venus. What are you like? Well, to summarise, Venusians are the species that feel the need to communicate and speak to each other, in order to love and be loved. A Venusian feels that communication is an avenue to express their love to others. To not speak to a Venusian or to communicate intimately means they you do not care or love them.


Martians on the other hand, or men, enjoy getting things done, making things right, being responsible and feels the need to make things right to show their respect and love. Martians do not like to be given instructions or suggestions they feel that they do not need. If they feel something is wrong or needs to be fixed, they will sort it out on their own and will ask for advice if they can't find a way to do it. Obviously, these theories are hard to comprehend, therefore, examples are used to make easier understanding.

SCENARIO 1: Ah Beng and Ah Lian (In the book its Tom and Jane, but lets do it the Singlish style) were driving to Ah Seng's house for a party. Ah Beng obviously lost his way when he was circling Choa Chu Kang for 20 minutes. Ah Lian, being a little annoyed and never read the book "Ta Por (Men) come from Mars, Cha Bor (Women) come from Lenus (Venus)", told Ah Beng, "Eh, call Ah Seng la, dunno how to go to his house just call la, paisei/malu (embarrass) for what?" Ah Beng kept quiet and continued to drive. They eventually reached Ah Seng's house, but Ah Beng Tiam Tiam (was quiet) throughout the party and remained silent even when they reach home.

To Ah Lian, this was what she meant, "Daling ah, I lub (love) you deep deep (very much) and can see you need some help, call your friend then we will get there faster (earlier), then you don't have to be angry about getting lost". To Ah Beng, this was what she said, "Tupid (stupid), you stay in Choa Chu Kang still can get lost, just call Ah Seng lah, good for nothing (useless)".

I can see light bulbs lighting up. Basically, gentlemen do not like unsolicited advice, or advice that they do not ask for. So ladies, hold your advice, it might be love on your part, but it's insult to them. Also, when gentlemen are upset (in this case Ah Beng was pissed), they keep quiet, going to what we call a "cave". Which I will cover a little later.


SCENARIO 2: Nurul just returned from work, and had a shitty day and saw her husband Afik. She sits Afik down to tell her about her day.
Nurul, "Sayang, today very tired, I got so much work to do and no time for myself."
Afik," Then quit your job la babe, I'm earning enough what, find something you like instead."
Nurul, "Aiya, I do like my job, just that they keep changing their minds last minute on little things."
Afik,"Then do what you can do lah, don't have to listen to them."
Nurul, "I did that already, sigh... alamak, forget to call macik (aunty) today, she not feeling well."
Afik, "Don't worry, she'll understand that you didn't call."
Nurul, "But I should, I am so close to her."
Afik, "Aiya you scared what, see lah, always so negative, no wonder you always so unhappy."
Nurul: "I am not always unhappy ok!? You just don't listen to me!"
Afik, "What you talking? I'm sitting next to you listening and answering you what..."
Nurul,"Sigh, forget it."

Grins. Remember how I explained then men, when showing love, likes to fix things and offer solutions? Women do not need it. They already know what is the solution they want. They just want to talk about it. They just need you to listen and console them, no need to say so much. Seriously, just hmms, ooo, uh huhs... and the best one and every man's finishing move when talking your lady needs to talk and consolation, "Come here darling, let me give you a hug, you have had such a hard day."

Lastly, I will like to talk about "the Cave". It is a Martian thing but Venusians are greatly affected by it. As mentioned before, Venusians need to talk, Martians on the other hand need to understand that Venusians NEED to talk to feel loved. However, there are times in our lives that men need time alone to reflect. These times can include sorting out a problem or even the need to sort out his feelings. Sorting out a problem is easy because it is usually short term, like stress from work. Sorting out his feelings can take a longer time, reason because men are usually independent beings, to love a Venusian, he gives his feelings and intimacy to her, making him DEPENDENT to her. Martians are uncomfortable with that feeling, and therefore require time to sort it out. That's why women get stressed out when their men are so attentive in the beginning and suddenly seem like they lose interest.

Most of the time, men are just going to their caves to get a hold of themselves. Venusians, afraid of losing their Martians, will try to look for the Martians in the cave. This causes the Martian to runaway and go deeper. The moral of this point is to give Martians their space and give them time to come out of their caves. When a Martian is in the cave, do something else, like shopping, hanging out with friends, go to the gym etc. A Martian will enjoy this time alone and appreciate you for that. But Martians do note that you can't stay in the cave too long. Your Venusians need your attention as well.

With this I end it by quoting a few lines in the book. "Men feel motivated when needed, Women feel motivated when cherished". Go figure. :)